Captured or Killed...Why?

by Paul Wilson

Over four years have passed since that terrible day. Since 9/11/01, Americans have lived in fear and anger. Along with the tragic loss of life, the terrorists showed us how vulnerable we could be.

And it gave George W. Bush the opportunity he needed.

When Osama bin Laden claimed responsibility for the attacks, our government went into action, promising swift justice. Bin Laden would be captured or killed.

I remember thinking, from the start, how odd this was. Captured or killed? What was this, the Old West?

Of course, America's thirst for revenge wanted the man who orchestrated these acts to pay...Perhaps, even with his life. But when did it become the military's function to simply assassinate a criminal suspect for alleged crimes he committed? That's right, I said alleged crimes. Because without a trial, the only proof we have that bin Laden is guilty is the word of our leaders.

When Timothy McVey committed his atrocity in Oklahoma City, people wanted him dead. But we tried him in a court of law and a jury of his peers convicted him and sentenced him to death. Even if you don't believe in the death penalty, you can still agree that McVey had his day in court.

Do we have the right to kill bin Laden outright? He is not the leader of a country, so no formal declaration of war can be made. This reduces him to a mere criminal...And a suspected criminal, at that. Despite Bush's disdain for the United Nations, this is exactly the kind of thing for which they were created.

But there is another question that bothers me far more: Why is Osama bin Laden still at large?
Supposedly, he has spent the last few years hiding in the caves of Afghanistan, cut off from technology that could pinpoint his location. And yet, bin Laden still manages to release video tapes to Arab television, proclaiming that his attacks on America will continue.

All the while, our military is mired in another country, fighting an illegal war, based on faulty (or fabricated) intelligence. And the loss of life in Iraq has well surpassed that of the World Trade Center (if you count Iraqi lives, of course).

Personally, I find it oddly coincidental that, with no word from bin Laden in over a year, his latest video should make its appearance just as President Bush is defending his use of the NSA to spy on his fellow Americans. In what is now a classic maneuver of using fear as misdirection, these threats always seem to appear whenever this administartion's strategies are criticized. I call it the "Orange Alert Gambit."

There are those who believe that Osama bin Laden may not have been behind 9-11; or that, if he was, he was put up to it. After all, at one time, he was our ally, trained and supplied with arms by our own military. The terrorists who hijacked the planes on that day were Arabs...Could it be that the "black sheep" of the bin Laden family is merely a scapegoat to protect our allies with oil?

Whether or not you believe these conspiracy theories, it behooves us to consider that Osama bin Laden best serves the Bush war machine by remaining alive and uncaptured. Dead, he is a martyr; Captured, he becomes just a man. But as a shadowy legend, hell-bent on destroying the American way of life, bin Laden represents the kind of intangible threat that feeds our fears and, therefore, blinds us to our country's slow destruction from within.

Will Osama bin laden ever be caught? It is clear that someone powerful is protecting him, in order to elude our military technology for so long. But, perhaps some day, bin Laden will outlive his usefulness. It could happen. Just ask Saddam Hussein.

Wherever he is, Osama bin Laden had better pray to Allah that Afghanistan never strikes oil...

The Old Fishing Hole

by Jack James


Small Town U.S.A. Population 1100. Three saloons. Five churches. A typical, all-white, farm community in the Midwest. It was the summer of 1943 and I was 5 years old. One day, my folks were talking about being at war with Germany and Japan. When I asked them about it, they told me that people who violently disagreed with you were enemies and sometimes you had to go to war with them. The "enemies" part I could figure out. But I really wasn't sure what they meant by war.

Later that week, my grandfather took me to his favorite fishing hole for the very first time, to help him catch a batch of fish for supper! Driving to the river, my
grandfather, or "Papa" as I called him, told me that people went fishing in the river all the time. After parking his old Model A, he led me down a twisting tree-lined path to the riverbank.

I clutched my pole and bait box, trying hard to follow in Papa's big steps. I couldn't wait to catch a fish, but I also wondered if we'd see any Germans and Japanese at the river. Of course I didn't know what they looked like , but figured they probably looked just like we did, so they must like to fish! Near the river, Papa stopped to show me a natural spring bubbling out of the rocks. Cupping his hands to hold the water, he smiled, tilted his head back and quickly poured the water in his mouth. With my little hands I had to do it a few times to swallow enough of that cool, sweet-tasting water.

Minutes later while trying to bait my hook, I saw a fish actually jump out of the water like it was trying to fly, before splashing back into the river! In no time at all, we had a mess of catfish and bullheads on our string. But we didn't run across any Germans or Japanese down by the river! Little did I know a few days later I would actually see a real German!

Late afternoons in the summer, most people in town gathered on their front porch or lawn, trying to cool off. To keep the air moving, my grandmother furiously fanned herself with a cardboard fan (imprinted with the name of the local undertaker). People walking by would stop and chat, there were on-going conversations between next door neighbors and everyone exchanged waves with the people driving by in cars.

And the day the Germans came to town was no exception. Rev. Lyons, on his way to the meat market, stopped to visit. Shortly afterwards, Dr. Schnell , going to yet another house call, drove by in his big shiny Packard. We all smiled and waved. Suddenly my Mother put her hand on my shoulder, pointed down the street towards the post office and whispered, "Here come the Germans!"

I quickly turned to see a large Army truck turning the corner onto Main Street. Followed by a second and then a third truck. In mere seconds the Germans would be right in front of me! Everyone silently watched the trucks come closer. When the first truck was in front of our house, I saw they did look just like us. I raised my hand to wave, but my Mother grabbed my arm.

About a dozen Germans were sitting down in the back of each truck. They too were silent, looking down at their feet and not at us. Two guards were standing at the rear of each truck, holding rifles that looked a whole lot bigger than Papa's old shotgun. They looked at the Germans like my Daddy looked at me when I had done something bad. The eerie silence was broken by the chugging sounds of the truck engines as they labored up the steep incline. A few moments more and the trucks slowly disappeared over the top of the hill. They had come and gone.

Being 5 years old, I naturally had questions. Where do those Germans live? Will I see them again? What do they do? Why are they so sad? My Dad told me they were captured in the war and lived at Camp Grant. They rode the trucks to the fields about once a week to pick peas and corn for the local cannery. And people who do bad things, like the Germans, are sad.

For me, the summer of 1943 was a time of discovery and awakening. Walking with Papa down the well-worn path to his fishing hole. The sounds of birds chirping in the trees, winds rustling through the leaves and the gentle lapping of water on the riverbank. The surprise of feeling a fish pull on my line. The excitement of drinking water from rocks, seeing jumping fish and truckloads of German prisoners. And in less than a month, I would start first grade. What a summer!

Sixty one years later, I still like to go fishing. But my fishing days might be numbered. A recent Associated Press article details the growing number of fish advisories due to contaminants, including mercury, dioxins, PCB's, pesticides and heavy metals.

Today, "Let's Go Fishing" takes on a whole new meaning:

* One of every three lakes, and nearly one-quarter of U.S. rivers contain enough pollution that people should limit or avoid eating fish caught there.

* The Food and Drug Administration warns...even if you catch fish not covered by an advisory...servings should be limited to one six-ounce portion a week!

* In August 2004, an environmental advocacy coalition released a report citing EPA figures that claimed 76% of fish samples collected from 260 bodies of water exceeded the agency's mercury exposure limits for children under 3.

* Carl Pope, the executive director of the Sierra Club, stated, "Our country's women and children are paying for the administration's procrastination."

Hold the tartar sauce. The old fishing hole sure ain't what it used to be!

So if my 7 year-old grandson and I went fishing today at Papa's old fishing hole, we wouldn't take a chance on drinking water bubbling from the rocks. And with or without an advisory, any fish we caught we'd throw back in. Today, terrorists have replaced the old enemies of my youth. And despite our ongoing Chicken Little, Color Alert Frenzy, it's doubtful we would run into any terrorists down by the river!

"Hey Grandpa, what does a terrorist look like?"
Whew...I guess there's no easy way to sugar coat the truth.

"Well Son, in my opinion, a terrorist looks just like George W. Bush!"

Photo of the Week- Preservation Hall, New Orleans 1982

If We Build it, He Will Come
by Paul Wilson

Are you tired of waiting for the Apocalypse?
Afraid that the Second Coming won’t happen in your lifetime?
Do you want those evil "pro-choicers" to face the Final Judgement NOW?
With your help, we can make it happen!
Introducing the New and Improved Religious Right!
(As Seen On C-Span!)
Your life is busier than ever! Between career, kids and battling against homosexual marriage, when does an ultra-conservative find the time to relax?
You’ve pushed your belief system on every heathen within earshot...When does the righteous evangelist get to take a vacation?
As with anything important, you have to make the time! And the time is now!
We’re talking about the ultimate vacation: The Rapture!
Imagine kicking back in heaven, on your own luxury cloud, watching as all of the non-believers battle Satan and his minions for the control of the earth!
Sounds great, right?
So, let’s make it happen!
How Do We Do It?
The answer is simple!
All of us know about the signs to look for...Signs that tell us that the Last Days are here, so that we can prepare for the coming Rapture.
We, at the New Religious Right are not happy to sit and wait, watching for these signs!
We say, ‘Make them Happen!’ Create the right environment, and Jesus will have to come back, taking all of us righteous Republicans home with him!
Remember: God helps those who help themselves!
Here are just a few of the many projects we’re working on:

Famine/Pestilence -While these conditions have existed in parts of the world for centuries, the New Religious Right has done more to increase these conditions on a global scale! Through our "war on terror" and crippling trade embargos, we have decimated entire regions! But that’s not enough! We want our Lord to appear in America, right? So, these same conditions must be prevalent here, too! What better way to accomplish this than by sending all of our jobs and industry to China? (Don’t worry, our members at the top of the major conglomerates will still keep all of the money!) And to seal the deal, we are removing all of those pesky environmental restrictions placed on big business! The resulting combination of high unemployment and pollution of air, soil and water should create the perfect conditions to force Our Savior out of retirement!

Natural Disasters - Whether it’s floods, fires or earthquakes, we at the New Religious Right are working day and night to develop new technologies that can create these events at will! From global warming (yes, it does really exist) to the soon-to-be-completed space station, we are confident that, very soon, we will be able to cause devastation with pinpoint accuracy! True, the recent tsunami was supposed to go into the Persian Gulf, but the results of our first trial run were very promising!

Wars - ‘Nuff said?

Identifying Marks Being Placed on the Population - This is one of the more obscure signs but, just to cover all the bases, it’s the real reason behind the proposed National Identification Program!

The Birth of the Antichrist - As you may have suspected, this did occur 59 years ago! We can’t divulge too much here...You must become a member...But suffice it to say, he is very high up in our government! He also was given a significant tattoo on his scalp in childhood (We couldn’t wait for it to appear naturally!). Rest assured, he was bred for this job and will make himself know at the proper time! For now, he cloaks himself in religion...Although, you will know him by his satanic smirk!

The time is nearly here, fellow faithful! Do not be discouraged by the increase in homosexuality, abortions and cloning! While we must publicly denounce these sins, we are working secretly to increase them! After all, we will need a huge army of sinners to stay behind after the Rapture, in order to defeat Satan in the coming war! Fear not, they will win the war, but all will die in the process, leaving us free to return to Earth and claim our off-shore bank accounts!

Join Us Today!
Our goal year for the Rapture is 2012 (this was calculated by prophecies from Nostradamus, the ancient Mayan calendar, and Jerry Falwell). We need your help to bring everything together by then!


Testimonials:

"Once, I was laughed at, shunned, even by Republicans...Now, thanks to the New Religious Right, I have the ear of a president! I finally have the power and respect I deserve! We are closer than ever to the Last Days, when all those who ridiculed me will burn in hell!"
-Ralph Reed
Christian Coalition

"I weep with joy to see the progress that the [New Religious Right] has made...I take pride in knowing that my humble contributions in deforestation helped to pave the way! Our time is at hand!"
-James Watt
Former Secretary of the Interior

"Our resources are dwindling, while our population increases...Famine is everywhere...There are holes in the ozone layer...Polar icecaps are melting...Way to go, New Religious Right!"
-Tom DeLay
Soon-to-be-former House Majority Leader



*This is an ad parody, and should be taken very seriously.

Mad as Hell 

Don't Eat Yellow Journalism

by Paul Wilson

"The bubble-headed bleach blond comes on at five,
She can tell you 'bout the plane crash with a gleam in her eyes,
It's interesting when people die,
Give us dirty laundry."
-from the song "Dirty Laundry"

Recently, the California Institute of Technology announced the discovery of a "10th planet" in our solar system. While it may be a while before we must update those 1950's science textbooks, this is still a momentous event. And, in that spirit, we have added American mythology to the Roman gods, immortalized in the previous nine, by dubbing the new planet, "Xena," its single moon, "Gabrielle." Thus, we ensure that our own god, Television, will be forever represented in the cosmos.

What better example could we choose for our modern culture?

In an age when reality TV has replaced...well, reality; When telephone numbers in movies must begin with "555," to prevent fans from calling the characters, where does fiction end and reality begin?

No one has blurred this line more than the new media.

Before the concept of 24-hour news, information was packaged to go with our meals, in easy-to-digest, 30-minute time slots. Because time was limited, a news story had to be both accurate and important, to justify squeezing it in to the broadcast. This "just the facts" motif was not designed for entertainment value, but to inform. The predecessors of our modern newscasters were dry, sober, succinct...and objective.

Try to imagine Walter Cronkite interviewing a political pundit, cutting him off because his liberal viewpoint was "absurd." Picture Edward R. Murrow, declaring that a man acquitted on a murder charge was "obviously guilty."

With so much time to fill, today's "reality news" networks do not report the news, so much as dissect it. A story will begin before any facts are even known, with opinions and conjecture filling the void. Rumors and innuendo are the story, until such time as the truth starts to drift in.

Entertainment over substance has turned us into voyeurs, peeking through keyholes, waiting for something...anything...to happen.

Truth has, indeed, become relative. By sensationalizing the news, for the sake of ratings, the networks deprive us of true information. The whole world saw Micheal Jackson turn up for court in his pajamas, but how many of us saw the emasculation of the Kyoto Accord by the U.S.? The Amber Alert is running rampant, with an apparent epidemic of blue-eyed, blond girls disappearing. But where are the stories about the scores of Latino and African-American women and children missing each year?

Not since the 1890's has our journalism been so filtered, one-sided and just plain fabricated. The cable news networks are at the mercy of their sponsors and their owners (Does Rupert Murdoch own them all, yet?). The hand-picked White House Press Corps is at the mercy of Scott McClellan, Press Secretary, who appears to know the questions before they are asked.

And we, the public, are at the mercy of our current administration. In what is, possibly, the worst closed-door policy we have ever seen from a president, we are fed smoke and mirrors, while the truth is hidden behind "national security." In effect, we are told to "pay no attention to that man behind the curtrain."

As our lives become more isolated; As we withdraw to the relative safety of the virtual world and hide from the dangers of the outside world (can anyone say Matrix?), our only link to humanity becomes information...And we hunger for it. No longer satisfied with what happened today, we must know what happened ten minutes ago.

Information is the new drug of choice.

Those who disseminate information prey on our addiction. Like candy to a starving child, we gobble up what they toss us, with no thought to its nutritional value. And we are satisfied enough to come back for more.
Thankfully, we do have one saving grace, in our quest for the truth. We have the internet. But you have to know where to look. AOL, the Wal-Mart of service providers, has as much censorship and lip service as the big news networks.

Don't be afraid to leave the path. Google every chance you get. Find the blogs. These areas of the net have their own problems with opinion over fact, but they also contain valuable information. So valuable that they have the leaders of the world very worried. This free exchange of ideas is what the internet was designed for...And what the world's governments don't want.

In fact, a move is under way to control, regulate and otherwise censor the internet. Governments like China and North Korea, that have a tight reign on their people, are especially fearful. Our own country's leaders are beginning to worry, as well. As bloggers continue to grow in popularity and the truth is spread ever wider, our leaders are coming under closer scrutiny.

We Americans must read news stories from other countries. Find websites from London, Iraq or Thailand. Talk online to people from China or Yugoslavia. By comparison, we learn similarities, as well as differences. And we ethnocentric Americans just might find out just how little we know about the world outside our borders.

The time has come to replace nationalism with globalism. This is the way to prevent wars and terrorism (and wars on terrorism).

To crave knowledge should be Man's true goal. But we must make sure that knowledge is genuine. We cannot be satisfied with fluff. After all, if American Idol makes the front page, how hard is it to hide the truth on page twenty?